Two Hairstons and a college punter

Are we there yet?

In absurdly inconsequential but slightly amusing news, Scott Hairston and the Padres agreed on a one-year $2.45 million deal through salary arbitration, which means Scott will bring home nearly $500k more in 2010 than older brother Jerry, who spurned the Yankees for the opportunity to play with Scott in San Diego.

While neither Hairston will ever be mistaken for world-beaters, Jerry's always seemed like a slightly better player than his fringy brother (although the numbers don't back this up: Scott's a career .326 wOBA player and Jerry's .313), and the salary discrepancy should make for some fun family BBQs this summer.

In hilarious news, onetime college football punter and grittiest, guttiest, dirtiest-mofo-to-ever-don-a-baseball-uniform badass extraordinaire Darin Erstad is reportedly interested in playing again in 2010, only he claims "there are no at bats to be had." This is shocking, especially coming from a man who eats clumps of dirt and washes it down with a glass of freshly mowed grass for breakfast. Oh, and who also hasn't posted a wOBA above .300 since 2005, and even in that signature year he was at a Betemit-esque .308.

Although, come to think of it, have you ever heard of The Contest, Darin? All you need to do is pick up the phone, call Dayton and Omar (and you may as well toss Kenny Williams in the mix too), and you'll be back in Major League stirrups in seconds flat.